SUPERHERO MOVIES – TOP 10 COUNTDOWN – PART 3

CRASH!                 WHAM!

Let’s keep things rolling along with my personal selections of the best superhero from comic book to big screen Hollywood offerings.

I’m not a huge fan of origin stories.  For me, the origin comic book is the most boring read ever.  There’s too much set-up…Who is this person?  How did they get their powers?  How did they develop their costume and identity?  What will their initial adventure (and pitfalls) be like?  Blah Blah Blah!  As a comic book reader you normally have to wait until issues 3-5 to truly get a firm grasp on how successful a concept and characters are going to be.

 

Superhero origin movies are much the same (and once you see my full list you’ll chuckle that picks #5-#10 are all origins) but they have the benefit of being able to cram more into a two hour movie than a mere 25-page comic book.  For me, I’m never nervous that a movie can successfully pull off an origin story because there have been so many good ones.  The real shock is when the superhero franchise can pull off a thrilling second or even third adventure (there should be a lot more Spider-Man 2's than Iron-Man 2's).

It really shouldn’t be this hard.  I mean James Bond didn’t have an origin story (until 2006’s Casino Royale in a sense) and look at how many adventures he went on that were perfectly delivered in movies.  So, why then did I have to sit through Batman & Robin, Spider-Man 3, Superman IV:The Quest for Peace…etc.  If you can tell a good origin...then the rest of the stories should be the more exciting adventures!

Here are two origin stories/movies that get a whole lot right (and then follow it up with better offerings)!

 

#7 – BATMAN BEGINS

Batman and Robin may be the worst superhero movie ever!  This movie worked so tirelessly to destroy the Batman franchise from the casting of George Clooney, to the horrendous dialogue (every line from Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy is riddled with cringe worthy moments), to the nipple costumes and neon-lit Gotham City, and of course to the fact that Batman was once again reduced to having such a ridiculous amount of gadgets and costumes (and thank God he had those bat-hook lines which seemed to be the only thing that could save his life…over and over…).  Watch the movie and you’ll see two hours of director Joel Schumacher exclaiming, “THIS IS HOW YOU KILL A BATMAN FRANCHISE!”

Then amazingly director Christopher Nolan came around years later and said, “This is how you save the Batman franchise.  You tell an adult story with good characters, solid plotting, and you take the audience on an adventure.”

I saw BATMAN BEGINS on opening weekend (an opening weekend that financially paled in comparison to the first four Batman movies) and I remember leaving the movie with a smile on my face but fearfully thinking, “Wow, I pray people forget Batman & Robin and go and see this movie because this is how Batman is meant to be showcased on the big screen.”

The movie solidly delivers Bruce Wayne’s origin and motivation, his training, the explanation behind his use of the bat-motif and his gadgets, and sends viewers along on a roller coaster as Batman learns the ropes while forging a partnership with Lt. Gordon and battling the Scarecrow and Ra’s Al Ghul.  I think that’s worth repeating, director Christopher Nolan gave people a great Batman movie and his choice of villains were Ra’s Al Ghul and the Scarecrow!  You know the majority of people were thinking, “Where’s Joker, Riddler, Robin, and Catwoman…?”

I love the look of Gotham City in this movie.  I love the casting of Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, the under-appreciated Rutger Hauer, and Gary Oldman (so much that I’ll overlook Katie Holmes and that annoying Joffrey from Game of Thrones too).  I love that Batman uses detective skills as well as darkness, gadgets, and fighting ninja-like abilities to battle the forces of evil.

Batman Begins is the second best Batman movie ever produced.  If you haven’t seen it recently, go check it out…it holds up spectacularly.

 

 

#6 – CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

A Word War II superhero movie that has to bridge the path between blockbuster movies Iron-Man and the upcoming team-up The Avengers.  Captain America had every reason to fail and yet, it’s a grand slam!  Marvel Studios were spot-on in their choice of director Joe Johnston (or Rocketeer fame) to recreate the origins of the “first” Avenger and then manage to weave a tale that helps delivers him from the 1940’s to present day.

Next to Spider-Man, Captain America may be my favorite superhero.  What’s not to love?  He’s patriotic, a natural leader, a fighter, a strategist, and he throws a shield!  AWESOME!  As a child in the 70's I remember watching two horrendous made-for-TV Captain America movies - seriously am I the only one who remembers CAPTAIN AMERICA: DEATH TOO SOON...?  A disastorous movie where Cap (played by Reb Brown - whose acting chops were so bad he might as well have been performing Othello at a senior citizens home) had a motorcycle that he burst out of his "rockin'" 70's van (YES a VAN) to battle Christopher Lee and generic thug villains who looked like they stumbled right out of a Six Million Dollar Man episode.  Captain America's plastic shield was so poor and wobbly it looked like a strong breeze would veer it off course.  I watched these movies...over and over and smiled thinking, "Captain America is so cool!"  That's how cool his superhero factor is!  Captain America can strive beyond Reb Brown's "acting".

If you’ve ever read any of Captain America’s comic books (especially the early WWII stories) then what you see on the screen are those very same stories.  I loved the look of the shield(s), the Nazi-esque HYDRA agents, and the villainous Red Skull.  The montages tell enough of the story while cleverly leaving gaps for future sequels to plug in additional back storylines.  Bonus points for the use of Bucky and his “disappearance” to set up 2014’s Winter Soldier.

For a movie that came out in 2011, Captain America feels like a solid 70’s era-blockbuster.  It had me smiling the entire time I saw it.  The use of CGI to make Steve Rogers a weak human with a heart of gold is exactly how special effects should always be used...to add to a movie, not to serve solely as the movie.  The best scene in the movie is when Dr. Erskin sits with skinny little Steve and he tells him what is important on the inside...and how it will never change no matter what happens to the outside.  This is a great parallel when viewed with the film's villain the Red Skull.  Cap’s finale battle aboard (and in the sky around) the Red Skull’s plane had me on the edge of my seat.  His ditching of the plane into the frozen waters…and subsequent “death” almost had me in tears.  This is a strong movie, and if you watch it back-to-back with The Avengers (which is really a Captain America movie) then you can see a solid story arc of a truly great American superhero.

Movies #5 and #4…sooner than you’d expect…

SUPERHERO MOVIES – TOP 10 COUNTDOWN – PART 2

SMASH!     BOOM!

Ok, so this wasn’t so “soon”…but never fear true believers I’m not bailing on the topic yet.  After all, anyone with not 1 but 8 framed superhero posters in his dwelling is so engrossed in the genre that it’ll take more than sloth and writer’s blog to derail him.

So let’s keep it going by continuing my personal picks for the best superhero movies of all time.

#9 – THE ROCKETEER

I love this movie!  I remember seeing it at a sneak preview back in 1991 and loving every moment of it.  A great moment was during the movie after Cliff dons the rocket for the first time to save Malcolm and then flies off into a montage of goofy moments, a patron in the theatre shouted, “Rewind that!  It was awesome!”  This brought out a loud cheer and immense clapping from the audience.  Seriously, there’s not enough clapping in movies anymore.  Still when my first viewing ended, I knew that the movie would fail to cross over into mass appeal.  Not sure why, because it’s essentially Raiders of the Lost Ark meets WWII Superhero.  Joe Johnston is a solid director and managed to mix the genres even more successfully years later with Captain America: The First Avenger (coming soon to my list).

The Rocketeer is probably overlooked by most superhero fans because of the era it takes place in, and that Cliff Secord is more of an adventurer than a superhero.  However, the character was created first in the comic books (thank you Dave Stevens for your stellar ode to Commando Cody and Rocketman!).

Watching The Rocketeer (and I just stumbled upon it on cable which is why I was inspired to return to the countdown) makes me smile.  There’s a simple purity to the action and the era.  Good guys were good.  Bad guys were Nazis and mobsters.  The only minor quibble with the movie is that it was 1-2 years before CGI really took off, so some of the FX is dated…but it still manages to add charm since the entire concept harkens back to the serials of the 1940’s.

Twenty five years later and the movie still is a gem.  If you have never seen it (or at the least in a decade) give it another viewing.  It’s exciting time well spent.

 

#8 – SPIDER-MAN

Let me make it clear that I did NOT enjoy 2012’s offering The Amazing Spider-Man (at all).  In my view it was a completely unnecessary origin story that fell so close to the first (superior) movie that they had to make changes and thus eliminate all the good parts and fill those gaps in with dreck.  Plus, I think Andrew Garfield (and his freakish head and hair) doesn’t look like Peter Parker…he just looks like Andrew Garfield…with poufy hair.

However, back in 2002 the first Spider-Man movie hit!  And it was amazing, spectacular, sensational, and ultimate!  Spider-Man looked like Spider-Man, Peter Parker looked like Peter Parker, and the entire cast looked like they came right out of the comic book…and the origin SPOT ON PERFECT!  Sam Raimi’s love for the character and the world he inhabits shows in every scene and montage.

So why doesn’t Spidey rank higher on the list?  Two reasons weigh this one down a few slots.  First, the Green Goblin’s studio enforced look…horrendous!  He looks like he fell out of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  Sad that such an iconic Spidey villain was made completely unrecognizable.  Thankfully everyone seems to have learned from their mistakes as all future villains are easily a match from comic-to-screen.  Second, the movie has one or two stumbling points of severely stilted dialogue -  Spider-Man’s conversation with the Green Goblin on the rooftop being a prime example.  It’s cringe worthy!

That aside, the rest of the movie is a hoot that culminates in one of the best superhero vs. supervillain battles in movies (Doc Ock’s future arrival will signal the best).  I still feel so sorry for the pounding that Peter Parker takes at the hands of the Green Goblin, especially that painful pumpkin bomb blast to the mask!  OUCH!

But, when all is said and done the movie delivers popcorn thrills and left audiences happy having learned that “With great power comes great responsibility” and “Who am I?  I’m Spider-Man!”

 

#7 and #6…before 2013…I promise.

SUPERHERO MOVIES - TOP 10 COUNTDOWN!

BAM!                  POW!

Top 10 lists are pretty much the ultimate cliché when it comes to ranking items.  No matter if it is movies, TV shows, books, comics, music, or hot chicks the instant a list is compiled it is ripe for debate and just as quickly labeled out-of-date.

I wanted to put out a list of my TOP 10 SUPERHERO MOVIES in the spring.  Three things prevented me from doing it: THE AVENGERS, THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, and THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN.  At the time, none had been released and based on previews I expected a few to possibly muscle their way into my work-in-progress list.  So I waited…then the movies came out…then I pondered.

Starting below and continuing over the next several posts I will countdown my personal TOP 10 FAVORITE SUPERHERO MOVIES.  Each entry will come with the various reasons why it made my list.  My primary focus were comic book superheroes that were successfully transferred onto the big screen.  In determining my 10 rankings (and I made sure there would be no cheating “ties”) the following criteria was used: my personal entertainment, repeat viewings, the need to own the movie on DVD, and what I deemed a successful move from comic-book to screen.   Critical ratings and box office were not items I cared about, since when I watch (and rewatch) a movie at home I never worry about what other people thought of the movie or how well it did at the box office.

A fairly thorough list of every superhero movie ever made can be found by CLICKING HERE.   Keep in mind I only counted films that had their origins as a comic book/pulp magazine first (sorry Meteor Man...like you had a chance).

As I wrote down and eventually crossed off all the entries that didn’t quite merit a Top 10 ranking, I found things becoming more difficult as my list was soon narrowed to 20 titles.  All of these offerings were excellent choices and this is where my quest for my personal Top 10 begins.  I am listing them in alphabetical order and then the countdown fun (and debate) begins.

AVENGERS
BATMAN (1989)
BATMAN BEGINS
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER
IRON MAN
KICK ASS
MYSTERY MEN
SPIDER-MAN
SPIDER-MAN 2
SPIDER-MAN 3
SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE
THE DARK KNIGHT
THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
THE GREEN HORNET
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN
THE ROCKETEER
THOR
WATCHMEN
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

Ok, already I’m sure someone is bellyaching that Superman IV: The Quest for Peace or X-Men 2 aren’t on my list.  At the conclusion of my countdown I’ll address those films that didn’t make my list as well as those that made the Top 20 but were axed as things start being sorted out.

Time to get things rolling…(drum roll)

#10 – X-MEN FIRST CLASS

I was a huge fan of the X-Men comic back in the 80’s when Chris Claremont and John Byrne produced some epic storylines.  Then the “X” became more of a franchise label and everyone on the planet jumped on the bandwagon.  That’s pretty much when I jumped off.

            I didn’t enjoy X-Men or X2, and I never even bothered to see X-Men United.  But, when this new take on the franchise came out, I sucked up my displeasure of the previous entries and gave it a shot.  To my surprise…I loved it.

            The casting of this movie was spot on and the pace was perfect.  James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender (outstanding in his scenes in INGLORIOUS BASTERDS) own this movie as Professor Xavier and Magneto.  In fact, if the entire movie had simply revolved around Magneto hunting down and killing war criminals, that would have been fine with me.  X-Men:FC made Magento what he should be…a powerhouse bad ass!  In the first movies, he’s too old and too fragile to really command fear.  But here, his actions (and they are brutal) set the tone of who exactly the other characters are dealing with.  The partnership of Professor X and Magneto is a great deal of fun to watch, between their chess, verbal spats, and training of the younger mutants.

            The time period of the 1960’s is also fully realized in this movie.  Everything builds to a nice climactic battle between the good and evil mutants during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  That’s very important!  In any superhero movie, if the final battle isn’t worth the ride, then too much is missed as viewer expectations dwindle (a major stumbling point of movies like Fantastic Four and Iron Man 2).

            X-Men: First Class holds up well on repeat viewings and has me excited for the sequel X-Men: Days of Future Past.  Maybe the movie should have been a bit higher on the list, but the sheer disappointment I had for the other entries in this franchise (and the fact that the box office of this superior movie, wasn’t as strong as the other three) weighed it down a bit.

#9 and #8…soon…

Flash Fiction Web Site Sampling!

Been a decent month for writing.  Two projects are moving along nicely and I have hopes that both will see availability before 2012 is over.

Where the character from Adjusted begins his bad journey.

First up, I am 80% finished with another 100+-page collection of horror short stories and flash fiction.  Straying away from merely locking myself in to 666-words...but I found a new number that works well.  Currently 30 flash fiction stories finished and I am working on the final two full length shorts that are part of a fun little vampire-werewolf-mummy trilogy that I've always wanted to nod my head in appreciation to.  The cover design for this collection of scary yarns is already finished, so if I can knock out these last twenty pages or so before August is done, I'll be able to move things along to the editing and formatting stages (both of which thankfully take the book out of my hands).

Give Teddy a hug!

At the same time I needed to branch away from sole horror stories for a bit.  It's hard to focus on death and grim tidings when it's 90 degrees and sunny outside.  So, I have managed 200-pages and counting on a unique novel (in presentation) in a genre that is much beloved to me - Superheroes.  This book is a real labor of love for me and based on my initial outlines and notes, and based on the percentage of the story that has been told so far, I'm projecting it to come in around 500 pages when complete.  The "bible" alone was 40-pages.  Something I really needed in order to keep all the various masked crimefighters, and their stories, sorted as I wrote.  No cover yet for this project, but I'm pricing out offers and will hopefully have a visual idea handed to me in a month or two.

In the meantime, a few of my stories have been published on a couple of great horror fiction websites.  If you enjoy reading some short tales while browsing the web, both sites are well worth your time.

First up, THRILLERS, KILLERS, N' CHILLERS just placed my story ADJUSTED up at their site.  It's one of my favorites from my first collection IN 666 WORDS.

You can read my story ADJUSTED by clicking here, and stick around on their site and check out some other great spooky contributions from a wide assortment of authors.

The great flash-fiction website MICROHORROR has also accepted a number of my stories.  TEDDY is one from my future project that I think gets the job done in a short amount of space.  It was obviously inspired by the movie TED...although there probably won't be any laughing Thunder Buddies for the characters in my Teddy's world.  Go check out Teddy and some of my other short offerings by clicking here.

BOO!

Godzilla Pentagonal Feature! (Yep 5 of them!)

As a child I relied on the Saturday afternoon Creature Feature on Channel 20 or Monster Week on the 4 O'Clock movie to get my Godzilla-Fix.  I used to love the weekly marathons that inevitably ended with Friday's showing of Destroy All Monsters.  But as I grew I seemed to drift apart from Japan's truest fixture of cinematic entertainment.

Thanks to the technology of 2012 (namely Netflix Instant or the DVR), I've been able to reconnect with the lovable atomic fueled giant lizard.  Over the past few days I engulfed myself in GHIDORAH THE THREE HEADED MONSTER (1964), GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO (1965), GODZILLA'S REVENGE (1969), THE TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA (1976), and GODZILLA, MOTHRA, GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL-OUT ATTACK! (2001)



Ghidorah looks tough. 
Thank goodness Godzilla has
that larvae as his tag-team
partner!

I won't bore you with long winded reviews that delve too deeply into plots.  The Godzilla franchise never really seems to pay homage to their own movies.  Characters, plots, storylines, timelines, history, origins, who is good and who is evil...it's all just window-dressing.  Godzilla seems to stumble from picture to picture not sure if he's a friend to children or whether it's time for the people of Tokyo to get their annual wake up call so insurance adjusters can all declare bankruptcy.  And, suffice to say, when you plant a grade on a Godzilla movie...you have to understand the category of movie we're talking about.  An A+ for a Godzilla movie is probably akin to a 'C' for standard fare so please...don't breathe atomic fire onto this genre enthusiast of Japanese cinema blogger.


1) GHIDORAH, THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER seems to have an awful lot of confusing plot for a standard monster movie.  All I remember is that it all eventually boils down to Godzilla, Mothra (the larvae version), and Rodan battling things out with the title character.  In the midst of this we get a princess with amnesia, a supposed history of Mars, a meteor monster egg, and some running, chasing, and shooting from a variety of human characters that I couldn't keep straight.  Whenever the monsters weren't on screen...I was underenthused.  And I guess I should note that if that damn larvae wasn't around, Ghidorah would have won because apparently Godzilla and Rodan don't live up to the hype when they're a tag team!  Grrr....  Godzilla Rating - 4 smashed buildings out of 10.

2) GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO...OK now things get moving.  We're back to Mars only this time humans are traveling there and back...and there again.  Apparently Ghidorah is back on Mars and causing some real estate issues (Tokyo breathes a sigh of relief).  Earth (or really Japan and one token American) decide to send Godzilla and Rodan to help the martians out.  But it's all just a ploy so the monsters can be turned against us.  Luckily that one American figures it out...and along with the nerdy Japanese lab guy they set things right so Godzilla and Rodan can pummel Ghidorah, who is called Monster Zero even though he has three heads?  Shouldn't it be Monster Three?

Mars stops by to pick up Godzilla and Rodan.

    I enjoyed this offering more than the previous entry.  I found it amusing that the American actor was actually speaking his lines in English (even though he was dubbed you can clearly see that he's saying the same words...and that all the Japanese actors are merely waiting for a pause so they can deliver their lines...since they have no clue what the hell he's really saying).  It was nice that the martians decided they didn't really need Mothra.  Seriously, what drugged out screenwriter decided that a giant moth larvae would be a good monster? 
     There's also two classic moments for laughter in this entry.  First, upon defeating Ghidorah the first time Godzilla decides to dance The Jig, lots of foot work required for the big green guy...and some joyous jumping.  While watching him on a monitor the martian leader can't help but say, "Ah yes, a truly happy moment!"  Second, when the American hero (how did that ever fly in Japan) and his fiance return home, the martians are waiting for them.  In what amounts to the world's longest disintigration blast the hero watches his true love dissolve before his eyes.  His response, "YOU RATS!  YOU DIRTY STINKING RATS!"  Godzilla Rating - 6.5 smashed skyscrapers out of 10.

This picture will probably be on my Christmas
cards this year.

3) GODZILLA'S REVENGE!!!! ...wow!  This thing must have been an after-school special or something.  The movie focuses on this little fat kid who is bullied, lonely, and has far too strong of an imagination.  His no-show parents enjoy letting him spend too much time with an elderly chain-smoking neighbor, and over rice (naturally) they talk about monsters.  When Short Round goes home he appranently has a bad trip from the mushrooms Smokey mixed in with the rice and dreams of visiting Monster Island where he watches Godzilla fight The Sea Monster and a giant spider (both simply stock footage from other movies.  Then in what has to be the single funniest moment in the history of this franchise, the fat bellied lad ends up striking up a conversation with Minya (Godzilla's son) who, of course is also bullied by a big monster named Gabbra.
     Wimpy watches Minya solve his problems with a lot of biting and growling.  Then when his "trip" ends he finds out he's being kidnapped by some local thieves.  Folks, I am not making this up.  He fights the crooks off by biting and growling like a monster.  Then at the end he uses these same techniques on the local bullies...and the movies ends a few minutes before this Little Monster is obviously committed.  Godzilla Rating - 2 smashed outhouses out of 10 (solely because I laughed for two hours when this travesty finally ended).  In retrospect, I'm not really sure about that title either.  What exactly was Godzilla's Revenge?  Was it his revenge to train this annoying kid and turn him loose on the children of Tokyo?  Or is his revenge going to take place on the film-makers who greenlit this movie and practically turned the big green guy into a contestant on Celebrity Big Brother just to keep his name in the spotlight...?


A cool retro art poster.

4) THE TERROR OF MECHA-GODZILLA is the movie that my friend considers the pinnacle of the Godzilla franchise.  It's pretty good.  In a rare ode to the series, this movie actually plays as a sequel to the previous entry Godzilla vs. Mecha-Godzilla.  It involves more creepy bad guys controlling monsters and rebuilding the tituar character.  The music in this entry is solid.  Godzilla has a dynamite introduction about 45 minutes into the movie when he has to deliver a serious ass-kicking to some D-rate monster named Titanosaurous.  Then the two Godzilla duke it out.  Godzilla swims away, presumably to Monster Island to check on that fat kid, victorious at the end...of course one year later Star Wars showed up in movie theatres so immediately this entire series seemed dated and Godzilla pretty much stayed on that island for quite a while.  Godzilla Rating - 7 smashed bridges out of 10.

I like this poster.
The Japanese symbols really add
to the atmosphere of it.
Overall, a good movie too!

5) GODZILLA, MOTHRA, GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL-OUT ATTACK!  This movie caught me by surprise.  It started out pretty much throwing away the entire history of the Godzilla franchise except for the original movie (and a sligh joke about the god awful US version).  Godzilla shows up and he's 100% evil.  Luckily Earth has the three-guardian monsters...Baragon, Mothra (again!?), and Ghidorah (fighting on the side of angels this time).  Now the three guardians are here to protect us...but that doesn't mean that humans and property aren't going to get a whole lot of flat before this opus is done.
     The effects in this movie walk a fine line between looking cool...and real hokey.  Literally it depends on the camera angle.  The characters are ridiculous, but the joy comes because the film makers realize this...and pretty much wipe out the entire cast.  There are some awesome deaths in this movie that had me gut busting because I just couldn't believe they were delivering them.  When you see a wounded girl in a hospital...nope...can't spoil it...suffice to say, the entire hospital goes down hard.  The battles with Godzilla and each of the monsters are well filmed, although for such a big deal I thought Ghidorah came off like a bit of a wimp, and even Mothra has a couple of grand moments which made me smile.  And frankly, that's what happened when I was watching this movie.  I started smiling and for that the Godzilla Rating - 8 smashed hospitals out of 10.  The title don't lie.  Once the monsters start showing up and the all-out attacking gets going, there's some great entertainment to be had.

Revisiting Batman (1989) & Batman Returns (1992)!

With all the hype about The Dark Knight Rises this summer, and the fact that I have been toiling away determing my Top 10 superhero movies of all time, it seemed like an appropriate time to revisit the first two entries into the Batman franchise.  Aside from brief glimpses on TV, I haven't seen Batman or Batman Returns in at least 10-15 years.  To help put this in perspective, when I went looking for both movies I didn't even have them on DVD.  Down in the basement in a dusty old VHS cabinet is where both movies were residing.  I promptly placed Batman into my VCR and was instantly greeted with a Diet Coke commerical.  Talk about a flashback to the 90's!  Mind you this was NOT a bootleg copy.  I purchased my VHS tape from Suncoast for $19.95 or so when it was released and part of that low cost at the time was helped by Coke putting a commercial at the start of the movie.  Grrrr!  I hate commercials which is why (unlike Mrs. Jumper) I never watch movies on commercial TV.  Thankfully Batman Returns didn't repeat this blunder although the movie was a blunder unto itself.  In watching both movies I was thankful for technology and the advent of DVD and HDTV because VHS images stink!  I had to stop Batman 15 minutes into the movie and move my TV to run a new cord hooking up my VCR in a better manner to try and milk just a slightly better picture quality.

I have no intentions of providing any form of story synopsis for either movie.  If you haven't seen them, stop reading and earn your "genre-enthusiast credentials" and go watch them...and then return.

During the summer of 1989 I worked at a movie theatre and had the pleasure of seeing Batman some thirty or more times.  In fact the joys of being a theatre employee meant I saw the movie a day before the masses.  The added bonus was my good friend was the projectionist so he hooked the movie up so that both he and I had an entire theatre to watch it alone (kind of like a giant living room) while the rest of the employees were all drunk and rowdy somewhere else.  Batman did it's job.  It returned respect and greatness to the superhero franchise, something that had been utterly destroyed because of Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.  Audiences and expecatations were sky high for Batman and the movie solidly delivered.  Even today watching it on my lousy VHS copy, I was entertained.

Batman gets alot right.  The look of Gotham City is solid.  Keaton's Batman is great (one of the best to date...and to think how the fanboys were up-in-arms about his casting).  Nicholson's Joker is stellar (and although I prefer the creep factor of Ledger's) and it feels like he's come directly from the comic books.  The Joker is spooky and yet funny.  I had forgotten some of his solid lines so even in 2012 they managed to coax and smile or guffaw out of me.  The joy-buzzer scorching of rival mobster Torreli has always been a treat.  The origin stories for both Batman and Joker are well delivered.  Batman is allowed to do action, use detective skills, show off technology, and basically be a cool hero in a cool movie.  My grade for Batman back in 1989 was a solid "A+".  Today I'd rank it a solid "A-" (but it's still not cracking my Top 10 Hero Flicks of all time).

The only real issues I have with 1989's Batman are the characters of Alexander Knox and Vicki Vale.  Knox (or more appropriately Robery Wuhl) is just annoying.  Nothing made me happier than when he was written out of any sequels.  Vicki Vale is shallow, goes immediately for millionaire Bruce Wayne and spend far too much time screaming or "oohing"...I lost count around twenty times!  My other main issue with the movie is the sets.  Clearly Gotham City is on a soundstage.  No matter how scenes are filmed...it feels tight.  The Batmobile drives by the same locales too often and there are times where I felt clautrophobia.  There's something to be said about taking the time to film scenes outside...it adds dimension.  Finally, even though Batman looks cool...watching it today you can see how heavy and clunky that costume is.  No way is anyone fighting crime wearing that cumbersome outfit.

In 1992 Batman Returns hit theatres.  The posters hyping the movie were awful but the previews helped build up excitement.  By this time I was a paying customer so no more free rides or multiple viewings.  I hated the movie!  Even after numerous rewatches the film should really be called BATMAN: FIGHTS FOR SCREEN TIME.  The movie is a mess with far too many villains and none with any form of coherent plans.  The Penguin looks decent but his storyline is a muddled mess.  The character of Max Schreck takes up far too much of the story and truly only exists to combine the plotlines of Penguin and Catwoman.  As much as people still swoon over Michelle Pffeifer's portrayal as Selina Kyle and Catwoman...I don't get it.  The costume is silly, her lines are atrocious...OK she can swing a mean whip...but that's about it.

The only real plus with Batman Returns is that Tim Burton progressed as a director.  The camera is more fluid which makes all of the action sequences more interesting.  Batman is allowed to do more in his fights/chases as well...and the suit seems a bit more mobile (sorta).

Of course with the one plus out of the way, the rest is all negative.  The sets issues are still present as Gotham City feels more confined than ever and we don't even get one or two landscape shots to show us what the place looks like as a whole.  The lines that the characters delivers are horrible!  Everyone is fighting to have a funny quip, even Batman - "Eat floor!  High fiber!"  It gets exhausting to listen to, much like reading a Dan Slott comic book where the only motivation for every character is to be funnier than the previous character.  When this happens there is no gravity to the plot or world that the characters engage in.  An hour into watching Batman Returns I felt my patience dying off...by the end I was thankful when the credits rolled.  And before I'm labeled a "hater" let me say that I wanted to like this movie!  Every time I see it and Keaton first stands up in front of the Bat-Signal, I'm ready to be taken on a thrill ride...unfortunately much like the Penguin's self-built Batmobile Ride, this ride only makes me sick to my stomach.  My grade for Batman Returns back in 1992 was a "C-".  Today I would rank this movie an "F"...but since I know Batman & Robin is still around the corner I'll push it up to a "D".

Maxing Out for MAD MAX!

The most iconic image of Mad Max!

I've been burned by pre-movie hype and excitement so many times that the neurons responsible for those feelings have melted away. Movies that should have been stellar (especially based on my pre-excitement levels) like: Robocop 2, Batman Returns, Alien 3, and The Lost World: Jurassic Park thoroughly did so much damage that a "wait and see" attitude was firmly locked into place in my psyche. And now, one movie is furiously working to chip away at my emotional movie void...MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

The poster that I had wanted for close to
25 years and finally received in 2010.

To understand my connection to this franchise you have to go back to cable TV circa 1983-1987 when The Road Warrior was pretty much on a continual late night loop on HBO and Cinemax...not to mention the VHS copy that inevitably was ruined from slo-moing the final wreckage scene just to watch the dummy of the Humungus slide over the semi's hood. Safe to say that I watched Road Warrior LOTS! It has a special fondness as well since my father and I were sitting around the living room at 9pm on a Sunday when Road Warrior premiered on HBO. Neither of us knew anything about it and there we sat totally entertained for two hours. Watching bullets and arrows flying, bodies being ripped apart and run over, cars being crushed and burned, and a 20-minute semi chase that was a marvel (and still is) to behold!  It wasn't long before I sought out the original Mad Max and then the sequel Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Then when my best friend introduced me to a role-playing game called Car Wars, I had a new avenue to channel my love for the Mad Max movies.

The most mindless RPG ever!
Nothing better than successfully performing
The Bootleg Reverse!

Even people who are not fans of the Mad Max franchise should realize how engrained these three movies are in the public conscious. Any time a movie depicts automobiles that have been decorated with various spike and weapons...people go..."Oh, that's like Mad Max." When you watch any post-apocalyptic movie and people use football and hockey pads for personal armor...Mad Max is where it started. The term "Thunderdome" gets used all the time in TV, sports announcing, and various movies and most people will immediately make the connection as to what is being implied whether they realize the origin...Mad Max.

When Internet searching "Thunderdome" here was my favorite result...

That bad-ass cage where Mel Gibson faught Master Blaster with the chainsaw and bungee cords and there where all kinds of drunken Aussies yelling, "Two men enter, One man leaves."

The "Last of the V-8 Interceptors"...?

So, as I write this creator-director George Miller as finally begun filming is oft-delayed next Mad Max movie: FURY ROAD. The movie will star Tom Hardy (fresh from his role as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises) taking over the Max Rockatansky character from Mel Gibson. The movie will co-star a shit-ton of tripped out cars in spectacular chases and monstrous wrecks! As photos have begun leaking of the various vehicles, my excitement builds. As rumors circulate that there may indeed be a new restored "Last V-8 Interceptor", I find a smile creeping across my face. As I see interviews where George Miller stresses the need for practical effects instead of CGI, all I can think is "YES!" It'll be a long haul for me to wait out the release of this movie, and mixed with the excitement will also be a heavy dose of trepidation since there were probably a thousand ways this movie can go bad and only one way it can be done correctly. The three pictures below (from AICN) help keep my confidence levels high that this movie is progressing in the right direction.

I'd have to guess that this is the car of the main bad guy...
equipped with his theme music of course.

Another suped up semi!  Nothing wrong with that.

Shots like this harken back to The Road Warrior in a great way!

There's a reason I'm a true fan of the franchise. I love the character, the settings, the cars, and the high octane action that George Miller has been able to deliver. The movies don't try to deliver any social commentary or appeal to a wide demographic.  They're essentially Man with No Name Westerns but instead of horses there's healthy amounts of nitrous and turbo-chargers.  If you like action and carnage (and what American male doesn't?) then the Mad Max films are the perfect avenue for escape.  My man-cave has a framed Road Warrior poster adorning it because it's one of the most bad ass movies ever made! And MAD MAX: FURY ROAD could be one hell of a movie!

Road House and YOU! Life Lessons for Every Generation!

Recently my cable box has been aflame with showings of Road House.  The movie is like a rash on every channel akin to The Beastmaster in the 1980's.  Naturally I've watched the movie pretty much everytime it's flashed in front of my eyes.  In those hundreds of viewings it's dawned on me that there's some pretty serious life lessons that the movie is furiously working to impart upon the viewer.

One can say that Road House is a perfect primer for all father’s to show their sons (BE A MAN 101 if you will).  The movie flawlessly explores thousands of teachable moments while maintaining an outwardly appearance that it is nothing more than a simple modern day western about a “not so big” philosopher cleaning up a local watering hole.

What can your child expect to garner from sitting down and watching Road House?  Here’s just a sampling of the educational opportunities contained in this cinematic powerhouse:

1) Entrepreneurship – not everyone was made to be a CEO, some of us have to use the knuckle-busting philosophical skills that God gave us.  $5,000 down, $500 a night, and all medical expenses covered is an excellent start!

2)  Real Estate – never build your quaint farmhouse on the opposite side of the river from the town’s helicopter owning psychotic.  You and your horses are just asking for trouble.

3)  Fashion – what do you do with that old picnic tablecloth if you’re a high paid doctor?  Well turn it into a dress and then go down for some swill at the town’s worst bar…of course. (OK, not every father has a son...so this one's for the daughter's out there)

4)  Automobiles – all bouncers own BMW’s – FACT!

5)  Auto-Finance – the best day to get a loan for your new BMW is the same day the local tuffs drive a monster-truck through the auto dealership.  Commission and paperwork tend to be reduced in importance for a few hours so you should be driving off the lot with your new car and a low rate in no time.

6)  Social Etiquette – “Be nice”.  When a guy comes at you and says, “I used to &*%$ guys like you in prison!”  You have two options…one of them is obviously the throat rip.

7)  Romance – not anyone can charm a girl into removing her clothes and immediately striking a submissive position by delivering lines like, “Oh baby, you gonna be my regular Saturday night!”  But with practice and patience…it’ll happen.

8)  Ballet-Kwon-Do – a seldom practiced martial art that involves kicking and prancing with your toes straight.  Fights often explode into well choreographed encounters that both inflict damage to your opponent and keep them entertained at the same time.

9)  Home Décor – nothing spices up a riverfront property like a room filled with stuffed safari (aka poaching) kills ranging from antelopes to lions to the various body parts of people that didn’t agree with you.  The topper is always the polar bear…find yours and kill it while in your 20’s to maximize the number of years of enjoyment it will bring you.

10)  Shotguns – the best way to return a town to peace and tranquility - the pump action.

It is the civic responsibility of all people to be sure that the next generation learn these and all lessons imparted by Road House to help hone a better society.  For those interested in going the more literary route, I also recommend the books: COWARDS & BLEEDERS AND HOW TO REMOVE THEM FROM YOUR FRONT LAWN by Brad Wesley and THE TOURIST'S GUIDE TO JASPER: “OUR TOWN AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!” by Tilghman, Stroudermire, Emmett, and Webster.