This
past summer I feverishly immersed myself into the world of Kaiju Eiga spending
hundreds of hours watching, rewatching, and writing reviews & reflections
for 23 of my childhood favorite giant monster movies. That work, THERE GOES TOKYO! is currently available
exclusively through Amazon (note the link on the side of this very page).
The
book was finished in August but then three months of editing, covers,
formatting, and all the behind the scenes nonsense that most people never think
of thoroughly drained me of the desire to watch a pagoda be destroyed. Even my Ultra-Man and Jonny Sokko DVDs sat
unwatched during this downtime.
But
as we move into 2014 I can feel the Kaiju Eiga pull (or maybe it’s just me
needing to reconnect with Russ Tamblyn and give him one more chance to prove
he’s an actor who can generate even a minute level of emotion) but WAR OF THE
GARGANTUAS is beckoning me for another viewing.
2013 was a great year for this movie in my household as I watched it at
least five times and one of those was with the pleasure of introducing some
friends to this Toho gem during our weekly Netflix night.
This
movie stands out as a solid entry and a personal Top 3 (and at times a
#1). So I’ve decided to include for this
week’s entry my chapter covering WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS from my book. It’s spoilerific so if you’ve never seen the
monumental battles between Frankenstein’s children Sanda and Gaira, consider
yourself warned.
OF THE
GARGANTUAS
SANDA
– Monster of the Mountain a.k.a. “Brown Gargantua”
GAIRA
– Monster of the Sea a.k.a. “Green Gargantua”
War of the Gargantuas serves as a quasi-sequel to Frankenstein Conquers the World. It’s easy to miss the connection for several
reasons. First, because this movie is
superior to the movie it follows.
Second, because the monsters and model work are top-notch. Third, because when we’re not looking at the
Kaiju action we are given another Showa Era glimpse of beautiful actress Kumi
Mizuno (previously worshipped as Ms. Namikawa).
So throughout the review I’ll do my best to single out the moments that
help connect these two movies of the Kaiju Frankenstein franchise (which lasted
for only these two movies). But, fair
warning: there is a lot to love in War of
the Gargantuas, so if you have never seen this movie then make it a
priority to watch it ASAP.
The 1966
classic gets off to an awesome pre-credits start with a ship being tossed
around at sea during a violent thunderstorm.
The sailor in charge is fighting the controls as a quiet tentacle pushes
open the door and slithers into the wheelhouse.
The tentacle wraps up the hapless sailor and drags him toward the
porthole. The man gets free and stumbles
on deck to see a horrible battle taking place in the ocean between a Kaiju-size
octopus and a giant, green, scaly ape-man.
This green monster will now be referred to by his formal name of Gaira,
even though the movie will settle on “Green Gargantua.” Gaira defeats the octopus, and the sailor
breathes a short sigh of relief. The
reason it is so short is because Gaira immediately turns on the ship and sinks
it. Turns out that the two monsters were
battling over the ship’s crew, like two ravenous diners having a scrum over the
last scoop of cheesy potatoes.
Gaira - Gargantua of the Sea |
The next day,
the Kyoto
police have been investigating the ship’s disappearance. Only one sailor washes ashore and he has been
incessantly babbling, “The boat was sunk by a monster.” Being that this is Japan , the word “monster” isn’t
tossed around without someone at least giving it a modicum of respect. The chief of police contacts the
easiest-going man in Japan ,
Dr. Paul Stewart, who is a well-known American expert on monsters. Five years ago, Dr. Stewart and his beautiful
assistant Akemi helped raise and train a young gargantua until it escaped. These sessions revolved around Akemi teaching
the gargantua manners while also serving him glasses of milk and salads (no
cookies this time). Dr. Stewart’s role
in the study appears to involve him standing in the background and nodding his
head with approval as things progressed positively. Apparently the fact that Dr. Stewart failed
to contain this monster has not hurt his standing with the police or his
credibility with the medical world, even though Chapter 1 of the classic book How to Catch and Raise Monsters clearly
states, “Don’t let them escape.”
As the resident
expert, Dr. Stewart arrives at the Yokosuka
Hospital to have a look
at the sailor. The injured man only manages
to say, “A giant…” before passing out (so we’ll wait for him to come
around). While the police chief has Dr.
Stewart handy, he asks him questions regarding two concerns. First, Dr. Stewart explains that years ago he
was on the team of scientists that were able to study Frankenstein’s severed
hand. You’ll of course remember that
Frankenstein pulled his hand off to escape his hospital-jail-cell and the hand
remained alive for a period of time.
Second, the police chief comments on pictures of gigantic footprints
taken in the Japanese Alps, and of various alpine students who have claimed to
have seen a huge monster. Dr. Stewart
dismisses these comments with a chuckle and the classic line, “They were
probably on a bad LSD trip.”
Our "hero", "actor" Russ Tamblyn |
As for Tamblyn’s screen persona, Dr.
Paul Stewart? He’s even more useless than
the actor portraying him. Dr. Stewart
does nothing of relevance in the entire movie.
On top of all this, he has just explained that he worked on the severed
hand of a monster, and seconds later dismisses the reports that people have
seen a giant monster. In many ways he
fits Columbia University ’s Dean Yager’s classic
assessment of poor scientists, “Your theories are the worst kind of popular
tripe. Your methods are sloppy and your
conclusions are highly questionable. You
are a poor scientist.”
Our movie can
continue, now, as the wounded sailor has finally snapped awake. During his period of unconsciousness, divers
explored his wrecked ship and found no other bodies. Bloody clothes of various sailors, though,
have washed ashore. The sailor recounts
his ordeal that night as the boat sank and all of the crew swam for their
lives. The one problem (and it’s a big
problem) is that Gaira was swimming right behind them, scooping them out of the
water – and eating them. This is a
pretty frightening scene and you feel for the pitiful sailors who clearly will
never swim fast enough to escape this cannibalistic giant. Dr. Stewart comments that these actions do
not coincide with the “gentle and harmless” milk-and-salad loving gargantua
that he once raised.
Helicopters now
swoop in and engage Gaira. They make
several passes, shooting and staying just out of his reach. The gargantua is too clever, though, and
crouches low and springs up as one helicopter passes. He repeats this maneuver with the second
chopper, and it ends up as burning wreckage.
The third copter begins to slowly back away as Gaira moves in for the
kill. This, of course, is all a clever
trap, as the military’s laser cannon trucks have now arrived. Laser beams begin to criss-cross the
countryside, cutting slices through Gaira’s arm, shoulder, and face. The green gargantua is quickly a bloody mess,
and it is clear that for once the Japanese military is winning a Kaiju
encounter.
The local
fishing community is about to have their own personal encounter with
Gaira. In what is one of the coolest and
creepiest camera shots in Kaiju Eiga history, two fishermen lean over the side
of their boat and see the rising face of Gaira coming straight for them (look
for it at 13:00). I guarantee that
Stephen Spielberg remembered this shot when he filmed Jaws. Needless to say, the
fishermen go overboard and are eaten. On
shore, the entire village is pulling in the ropes of the community fishing nets
when they manage to snag Gaira. The
Green Gargantua rises up out of the water, scaring the sake out of
everyone. Newspapers run the headline: Disaster Strikes at Fishermen in Tokyo Bay! This is enough to bring Dr. Stewart, Akemi,
and Dr. Yuzo down from their Toto
University laboratory for
a little field research. Dr. Yuzo finds
claw marks in the emptied fishing boat’s hull, but, thankfully, Amity Island
fisherman, Ben Gardner’s head did not roll out.
Akemi also finds some hair and skin samples at the scene.
Over at Tokyo Airport ,
Pan American Flight 301 is circling the runway when Gaira rises out of the
ocean and heads for the terminal. The
plane wisely veers off for a new destination, as crowds of people run and
scream in panic. Gaira is an impressive
sight, standing hundreds of feet tall, with a mixture of green fur and scales,
and a mouth filled with misshapen teeth.
One person who gets a better view of this mouth is an unfortunate
secretary, who is lifted out of a building by Gaira. She is chomped, swallowed, and her only
remains are the bloody tatters of her dress.
Before Gaira can continue his dining, the sun shines through some heavy
clouds, and the light causes the gargantua to react in pain. He turns and sprints for the ocean and the
safety of the dark water.
The press is
demanding answers, so Dr. Yuzo handles things by delivering unconfirmed “facts”
in the manner of his boss, Dr. Stewart, “The monster is accustomed to the
darkness of the sea. I think we should
keep the city brightly lit.” While Dr.
Yuzo works the media, Dr. Stewart and Akemi have traveled to the mountains by
train to study the site where the gargantua was supposedly spotted. Dr. Stewart does see the monstrous footprints
leading high into the mountains. He is not
only convinced that his former gargantua remains docile, but that there are, in
fact, two different gargantuas. As the
possible offspring of Frankenstein, it would be a scientific breakthrough to
have another possibility to study the cells of a Kaiju.
At this point
the pace of War of the Gargantuas is
moving along like a rocket, so it’s time to slow things down with a little
spirited musical number (and not with Russ Tamblyn). Now, in the annals of bad movie songs, Kipp
Hamilton’s blonde-haired rooftop lounge singer has to at least land in the Top
3. Her number “The Words” is brutal, embarrassingly off-key, and
contains the atrocious, and yet frighteningly memorable refrain:
Please Gaira, make it happen...just once. |
But the words get stuck in my throat
But the words get stuck in my throat
But the words get stuck in my throat
But the words get stuck in my throat
Get the point? Now, I
have watched War of the Gargantuas
countless times with different people accompanying me. Each time I look to my friends to gauge their
response upon first witnessing the train wreck that is this musical
interlude. As the song begins there is
laughter and eye rolling. As the song
continues, and the music and lack of tone start to settle in, a general
annoyance takes place, with comments of, “This is so bad.” Finally, after listening to the refrain
“stuck in my throat” too many times everyone always seems to arrive at the same
conclusion, “Gaira is going to eat her isn’t he?” As Willy Wonka famously said, “The tension is
unbearable…I hope it will last…”
Nothing would make me happier than
to report, “Yes! Gaira eats Kipp Hamilton!”
But that’s not what
happens. The song ends, Gaira shows up,
people scream, Gaira picks up Kipp Hamilton, he raises her to his mouth,
teasing the viewers, and then a series of bright stage lights blind him and he
drops her back to the rooftop before running away. Nobody likes how this scene ends. Not a single person. I compare this to a Friday the 13th movie if every time Jason was about to
murder an innocent camper he stopped and said, “Sorry. You’re not the person I was looking for. On your way.”
Gaira and the makers of War of the
Gargantuas set up a scene that could have lived in infamy as delivering
exactly what millions of people wanted to see.
Alas, it was not to be. Next to
Dr. Stewart, I blame this impotent scene as the key reason that War of the Gargantuas was overlooked on AFI’s Top 100 Movies of All Time list.
Gaira runs away
from the high rise as warning sirens pierce the city’s nightlife. Dr. Stewart is already comfortably asleep,
not to be confused with his sleepy performance, so he grumpily wakes up and
turns on his radio to hear what all the commotion portends. As he listens to the replay of events, he
also has time to sip some water and put on a robe before following the
directives to turn on all of the lights in his high-rise apartment. It’s a
small, but amusing scene because you can picture actor Russ Tamblyn saying to
the director, “Well there’s nothing for me to do in this scene except listen to
the radio. What is my character’s
motivation? Wait! How about if I drink some water and then put
on my robe!”
The action now
moves to the Northwest, as Gaira leaves the city for the villages along the
mountains. The Japanese military is in
hot pursuit; this is literally the fastest you will ever see a tank roll down
the road. Along the way, people in
nearby towns light fires to keep Gaira from ransacking their village. Military vehicles shoot at Gaira and use
searchlights to guide him down a predetermined path, where some of their new
special-capacity laser weapons are waiting for the monster. This sequence of the movie lasts a minimum of
ten minutes. The scenes with Gaira
running and delivering minor damage to the military have little music. The scenes with the military caravan have a
full musical accompaniment. Thus, while
watching this segment of the movie, you hear…silence…sound
effect…music…silence…sound effect…music.
The routine becomes quite hypnotic.
Sanda - Gargantua of the Mountains |
Gaira flees,
ducking low behind trees for cover, and jumps into a river. The military were ready for this, though, and
the water has been heavily electrified.
Gaira is down for the count, wounded, and nearing death. Of course, if the movie ended here then there
would be no “War,” so at the 49:00 mark our second gargantua, Sanda, arrives on
the scene. The military acknowledge his
presence, “Look a bigger one! A brown
one!” Sanda, a furry bigfoot-like
gargantua, sees his wounded relative and picks him up, escaping into the
forest.
Dr. Stewart
gets the news the next day from the radio, “The huge brown gargantua appeared from
the Northwest and aided the green gargantua in escaping.” The good doctor doesn’t miss a beat when
delivering some of his patented “facts” about the situation. “Well, this is proof that there are
two of them. Now, if I can just convince
the Defense Department that one of them is innocent.”
If you find yourself thinking, “Hey,
this plot is seems vaguely like Frankenstein
Conquers the World with two monsters and only one of them guilty,” you
would be correct. My feeling is that the
first Kaiju Frankenstein effort was close enough that the filmmakers simply
recycled the plot and made some improvements…but they are great improvements,
except for Russ Tamblyn. Seriously, did
Nick Adams have something better going on in his career at this time?
The three doctors leave their
laboratory and head into the mountains, where all of the recent Kaiju problems
took place. They soon discover hair and
tissue samples of both a brown and green color.
It is time for science to provide the film with some answers. Needing only minutes to look over the
evidence, Dr. Stewart concludes that the cells are similar to those of
Frankenstein, and that these cells have a nasty ability to remain healthy and
multiply. He’s not sure if both monsters
grew separately from Frankenstein’s cells, as genetic brothers, or if Sanda’s
cells were washed from a mountain stream into the ocean where Gaira grew, thus
making them parent and son. Dr. Stewart
does feel comfortable in stating that he hopes the gargantuas don’t feud
“brother against brother, like some nations I know.”
Off in the
forest, Sanda has carried Gaira to a safe area near a river. He splashes water on the green gargantua’s
wounds, and slowly the monster begins to recover. Surrounding them in this idyllic forest are a
number of uninformed persons out enjoying nature; a couple is on a romantic
rowboat trip around the lake, a speedboat filled with people zips around, there
are happy hikers marching and singing, and there’s even Dr. Stewart and Akemi
holding hands and having a semi-romantic walk through the misty mountains. This is perfect set up (much like the crowded
beach scene in Jaws) where we have a
carnivorous Kaiju close to so many unsuspecting victims. Honestly, now I’m thinking Spielberg lifted
more from this movie than I originally suspected. Gaira eventually shows up, and people panic
and scream in every direction!
As the pack of
hikers races past, Akemi stumbles and plummets quite a distance down a ravine
(of course she does!) before grabbing onto a thin tree branch. Dr. Stewart calmly informs her that he will
proceed down to rescue her in an orderly fashion; clearly it takes much more
than the near-death of his assistant/romantic counterpart to get his adrenaline
pumping. Further down the ravine Sanda
has seen Akemi’s peril, and he leaps to her rescue. Unfortunately, his mass creates a small
landslide and a boulder smashes down on his leg, severely injuring him. At this point Akemi loses her grip and falls,
but Sanda makes a Hail Mary play and catches her at the last second, then
spikes her for the touchdown! Just
kidding, Sanda is a good gargantua, remember?
He likes milk and salad for goodness sake! Sanda lifts Akemi back up to Dr.
Stewart. Akemi looks at her brown
savior, “Oh gargantua!” Sanda limps away. But, before we leave the forest, there is one
final shot of an empty rowboat drifting in the lake. Guess we know who didn’t have a happy ending to their romantic lake
date. It is touches like this that help
make War of the Gargantuas a
stand-out amongst the Kaiju Eiga. There
is peril, immediate and brutal, and usually ending with a nasty bit of
digestion.
Sanda returns
to the mountains, where Gaira is resting and recuperating. At first Sanda is happy to have a friend, but
then he notices a pile of tattered bloody clothes laying next to Gaira. Eating people? This will not do! Since Sanda does not have any milk and salad
to offer Gaira, he chooses instead to rip up a tree and begin to pummel his new
companion. Much like an
overly-aggressive vegetarian at Omaha
Steaks, Sanda takes the tactic policy, “I will beat the meat out of you!”
The "warring" has begun! |
At 1:03:00 of our movie, the
“warring” has officially commenced.
Gaira doesn’t care for Sanda’s hospitality, and begins punching and
kicking his former nursemaid. Sanda also
delivers his own offensive flurry, but his injured leg reduces his
mobility. Gaira soon realizes this, and
sprints away. It’s a serious sprint,
too, as he runs down the mountain, over the river, through the woods, past
grandfather’s house, over military vehicles, through a town, and through
another town, before cannon-balling into the ocean and swimming below the
waters. This is another stellar scene
that uses great model sets to showcase the size and speed of the green
gargantua to stunning effect. Again, I
have to ask, was there some monumental movie made at the same time that took
all of the cinematic accolades and awards away from War of the Gargantuas?
Back at the
Defense Department, Dr. Stewart is arguing with the General about the best course
of action. The General’s position is, “I
plan to kill them tomorrow. I will
electrify the water and napalm the land!”
On Dr. Stewart’s side we have, “It’s not just a theory that the brown
gargantua is harmless to humans! It’s a
fact!” This lively debate continues for
some time, until both sides part with their own agenda. The military prepare their arsenal, and the
doctors prepare a plan to save Sanda.
Warning sirens
blare in Tokyo ,
as Gaira has made landfall in search of food.
Like most smart monsters, he has now come to associate light with food,
so the citizens are warned to turn off all lights and remain inside. Imagine if you were the one citizen who
didn’t get that memo, and were still burning up all your electricity in the
errant belief that you were protecting your home and family. Ouch!
Cars are abandoned in the streets and buildings look like ghost towns
(or like models about to be destroyed).
The General uses Gaira’s stalking
through the city to take a potshot at Dr. Stewart, “See! You still want to wet-nurse that
monster!” Dr. Stewart doesn’t have time
to explain the differences between Sanda and Gaira are more than just color,
because word has come down that Sanda has also been seen hobbling toward
Tokyo. Akemi races out into the streets
to steer the brown gargantua away.
Sadly, Dr. Stewart and Akemi are much closer to Gaira. He spots them and chases after them as they
enter a subway tunnel. Gaira reaches
inside and grabs hold of Akemi. She
screams and faints as the green gargantua prepares to devour her.
At 1:16:00
we’re now ready for more “warring,” and Sanda arrives on the scene. Gaira spots his enemy and drops Akemi back
into the subway tunnel, where Dr. Stewart carries the silly, good-hearted
female away for medical care. Gaira is
ready to battle it out to the finish, but Sanda keeps shaking his head in a
passive manner: “Let’s not fight.
Please.” Gaira is done with
pleasantries, and tosses Sanda into several buildings. A number of punches and kicks follow, and
Sanda is forced to defend himself.
Kaiju Rule 1: Monsters must destroy things for your entertainment.
Original Japanese Title: Frankenstein’s Monsters: Sanda versus Gaira
Last line of dialogue: “No living thing could survive that volcano.”
Now the classic
Toho Kaiju march music kicks into gear, so we know that this war is going to be
pretty brutal. The two gargantuas have
been given a large portion of the city to battle in, and they do it justice –
by leveling pretty much everything in sight.
This is impressive as hell to watch, since so many of the more recent
Kaiju movies took place in the countryside, where all we could watch were hills
and dirt. With full-scale city
structures to be destroyed, monsters are tossed through and into skyscrapers
with sheer delight. Their fists do the
talking, and both are quickly showing the blood from the intense melee.
The General
doesn’t have time to waste waiting for each gargantua to kill the other one, so
the military move in. Cannons fire
rockets and devices blast beams of electricity that rips and scorches the two
Kaiju. Gaira dives into the ocean to
recharge, but Sanda follows him. The two
play toss with a massive ship, then Gaira swims away from the military into
deeper waters. Sanda catches him, and
the two keep fighting as a fleet of helicopters soars into the fray. The copters drop bombs onto both gargantuas,
and the ensuing explosions create a tremor that activates a nearby ocean
volcano. This is worth repeating: in a
movie already as awesome as this one has been, now we also have a fully
erupting volcano! I’m not sure how this
volcano got so close to Tokyo ,
but there’s no time to wonder, since rocks and smoke and lava are shooting out
of the vent like crazy! Sanda and Gaira
lock up, but neither is quite stronger than the other, and they roll directly
into the furious eruption zone. The
volcanic gas and smoke cover the area and the twin gargantuas are gone!
Over at the
medical tent, Dr. Yuzo runs in with the news that both gargantuas have been
destroyed by the erupting ocean volcano.
He is confident that the lava will destroy all of their cells, and thus
end the threat of any future spawn of Frankenstein. Akemi is sad, but Dr. Stewart explains that
Sanda died protecting her, “That big brown teddy bear came to your
rescue.” And, as is often the case with
wars, there is never a clear winner.
Final Thoughts
In case you were unable to tell
from my energetic review, I love War of
the Gargantuas. The movie was like a
Kaiju version of the Holy Grail when I was growing up. Before my family owned a VCR I would often
see the movie listed in our weekly TV
Guide, but would be unable to watch it.
Some other, lesser event always got in the way of me enjoying this
festival of Kaiju combat: visits to grandparents’ homes, weddings, funerals,
reunions, birthday parties…, the sort of life-nonsense that prevents anyone
from experiencing a treasured Kaiju movie.
Whenever the local television channels aired weekly Kaiju marathons,
they tended to stick to the Godzilla series, and relegated War of the Gargantuas to a late night time slot. Usually it was the final movie to air before
the National Anthem played and the channel reverted to static for several
hours, for you old people who can remember when that happened. Worse, I would often catch glimpses of the
movie on commercials hyping any future airing (that I would invariably
miss). The discovery of new Kaiju was an
experience that I treasured, and it took a long time for me to fully witness
the greatness that is this movie. In one
of life’s rare gifts, the movie exceeded my expectations.
Now,
thirty years later, I still enjoy watching this movie. It follows the Three Rules of Kaiju Eiga
perfectly. There’s plenty to laugh about
(thank you Russ Tamblyn and your lazy performance), the finale’s cityscapes are
some of the best in any Toho movie, and it’s not merely enjoyable, but an honor
to watch Sanda and Gaira destroy everything in their path.
I remember
watching TV and seeing Brad Pitt presenting at the Academy Awards. He stated that seeing War of the Gargantuas as a child was why he entered showbiz. This was a proud moment for me, because at
that instant I realized that Brad Pitt and I have one thing in common: we both
love great cinema!
Excellent. The effects by Eiji Tsuburaya may be the best
of any movie in the Showa Era. The
cityscape and airport model work are pure spectacle and become a whole lot of
fun once the destruction takes place. So
much stuff gets destroyed in this movie!
You’ll love it!
Kaiju Rule 2: Laughing out loud is mandatory.
Excellent. Plenty of laughs to be had and the musical
number alone is one of those unique points in Kaiju Eiga that must be
experienced to be believed.
Kaiju Rule 3: You must be entertained at all times.
Excellent. There is nothing bad about War of the Gargantuas! A superior entry into Kaiju Eiga.
YOUR KAIJU CHECKLIST:
WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS
How accurate is the title?: Somewhat accurate. There are two gargantuas and they do have a
decent battle. However, no form of
conventional weapons or lines of demarcation are used, so using the term “War”
in the title seems to make this sound more dramatic than necessary. Brawl
of the Gargantuas works well.
Original Japanese Title: Frankenstein’s Monsters: Sanda versus Gaira
One Sentence Synopsis: Brothers Sanda and Gaira differ on their
food requirements and have a battle that proves devastating for themselves and
the people of Tokyo .
Our Moral Message: He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother…but since he
keeps eating people I must now kill him.
Kaiju entrance: Gaira shows up in the ocean defeating a giant
octopus. Sanda runs through the forest
to save Gaira from the military.
Good Kaiju: Sanda “Brown Gargantua of the Mountains”
Bad Kaiju: Gaira “Green Gargantua of the Sea”
Kaiju Timeline: Has several small throw-away lines that connect it
to Frankenstein Conquers the World.
First line of dialogue when people see Kaiju: When Gaira is spotted
there are merely screams. When Sanda is
seen, “Hey look! Another one!”
Kaiju firsts: First appearances of Frankenstein’s spawn Sanda and
Gaira
How bad is the situation?: “If their cells multiply…they could
destroy the world.”
Best intentional moment of the movie: Any time someone gets
eaten…awesome! You just don’t experience
that direct cannibalistic nature in Kaiju movies often enough. The fact that Gaira eats people and then
spits out their bloody clothes makes him a unique and frightening monster.
Best accidental moment of the movie: I’m still not exactly sure of
the point of Kipp Hamilton’s big singing number. The singing is horrible, the song lyrics are
atrocious and, after all of this, Kipp isn’t even eaten. Trust me, the audience members are all
praying that Gaira shows up and eats her before the song is complete…and then
she survives! Big miss by the creative
team, especially when you consider that, until this song, we watched baby Sanda
drinking milk while relaxing on a couch and were left thinking, “What could
possibly top this moment?”
Single most quotable line of dialogue: “You still want to wet nurse
that monster?”
Best action moment: The “War” of the gargantuas during the last
fifteen minutes is a great Kaiju battle.
The models of downtown Tokyo
are superb.
Total amount of destruction: Lots of destroyed skyscrapers. Two sunken ships. Plenty of military vehicles!
Body count: Several people are eaten including, sailors, a
secretary, and a couple on a romantic boat ride through the lake.
Last line of dialogue: “No living thing could survive that volcano.”
Kaiju exit: Sanda and Gaira disappear inside the smoke cloud of an
erupting underwater volcano.